So in my 3 years I have been TTC, I have seen over 40 of my FaceBook friends get pregnant or have a baby or both. In that time, I have had 2 cancelled IVF’s, 1 failed IUI, 5 losses along with many other things that I already mentioned in past posts, but yet I have no baby. I am anxiously awaiting for it to be my turn. I think my stork needs a GPS! He seems to find everyone else’s house with no problem. Do I need to bake him a cake or invite him in for drinks? Seriously, where the hell did he go? Where ever he is, my uterus and I are waiting for him! So please bring me my baby soon! It has been very hard staying positive during this journey, especially when I keep failing and seeing so many people have a baby (many who aren’t even trying or want to have a baby). Infertility can really chip away at your happiness in life. Although, this frustrates me to no end, I find it will not do me any good to mope or pity myself. So I have been doing several things to help me stay positive until my storks gets his act together.
- TALK ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY – I put this as number one on my list, because for me I found it the most helpful. While at first I was not comfortable with sharing my journey, I found it extremely helpful and liberating to be open (even with strangers) about my Infertility and Miscarriages. Yes, even with the stigma my diagnosis has, I am sharing. I’m not ashamed! Many times, I found that the person I am sharing with says they either know someone who dealt with it or are currently suffering from it now or have in the past. And many times they have offered inspiring stories that keep my hope alive. Of course I get the frustrating answers like, just relax and it’ll happen or it wasn’t meant to be! Ugh, I know most women who are dealing with infertility and loss can relate to those frustrating responses. I know it’s hard, but try to blow it off. I have learned to ignore it and not let it bother me. Well, I’m not perfect so I do the best that I can ignoring it. People are always going to say something stupid that I don’t want to hear.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing with family, friends or strangers, there are private Infertility and Loss Groups that you can be a part of. I am a part several on FaceBook and honestly they have been a Godsend. All the members are all traveling a similar journey and can most likely relate. Every women I have met has been my cheerleader when I’m down and vice versa. It is a great place for support!
- TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF – Whether it’s going to a cooking class or just taking a time out to read a good book, do it. Get you nails or hair done. Go shopping. Go to the movies. Go get a coffee. Go to the beach. What ever it is, do something that you enjoy makes you feel happy.
- WRITE IN A JOURNAL – As I mentioned before in my prior post 10 Things To Help You Cope After A Miscarriage, write down your thoughts. I can’t tell you how many times I have let out every bit of sadness, anger, frustration and pain out on paper/laptop. It is extremely therapeutic and is a huge release that will allow you to get any negative energy out.
- ENJOY TIME WITH YOUR PARTNER – Dealing with this journey can certainly be trying on any relationship. Be sure to be mindful of your partners feelings as well during this time. Don’t forget about your love for one and other and the whole purpose of your journey! Love is the key word here. Don’t lose site of it. So plan a getaway, go on a date, stay in and watch a movie. Or better, have spontaneous sex that isn’t timed!!!! That’s not an issue for me anymore as we are past the timed sex stage and on to fertility treatments, but I do remember that when we were TTC naturally, sex quickly became a chore!
It is important to escape from this journey with your partner and enjoy each other. Always be there for one and other and grow together!
- GO OUTSIDE – Sunlight is known to help the brain release serotonin which enhances our mood! As an added bonus you get your vitamin D naturally. Vitamin D not only aids in stronger bones and teeth, but also is essential for women trying to conceive because it helps our bodies create estrogen. Oh, and this is great for men too because it helps increase testosterone. Both are extremely important for fertility and is known to increase your libido!!! So take a walk, run, ride a bike, fly a kite for G-d’s sakes, whatever you do get your butt out of the house. Go outside and see how beautiful everything is! Breathe the fresh air and be in the moment!
- GET INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES SENT TO YOU DAILY – You can get these in the app store or have them emailed to you daily. I find these extremely helpful especially on those days where I just can’t seem shake my pessimism.
- SMILE – You know how sneezing is contagious? Well, research shows that so is smiling! Not only does it make you look more attractive, but it also makes you feel good. When you flash your pearly whites, your brain releases all the feel good neurotransmitters like endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. Recent research shows that it lowers cortisol levels which help reduce stress! So make sure to turn your frown upside. It will make you feel happy along with everyone around you!
- TAKE IT DAY BY DAY – Many of my blog posts have talked about bumps in the road. One step forward and two steps back! Unfortunately, this is pretty common in the infertility world. We can not change the past and certainly can’t predict the future. I know it is extremely hard to be patient, but be sure to take it one day at a time and do your best. I always try to remind myself that I can’t control the outcome of what happens either way so take a breath, pray for a good outcome and keep moving forward.
One thing I have learned during this journey is that I am stronger then I think and even though I’ve been to hell and back, I haven’t given up yet. And I found that is the way most of the women in the infertility world are as well. We are warriors! We persevere! Push me down and I will get back up! I may be a little beat up at first, but I will keep on keeping on. So stay positive ladies! Remember the stork may be lost, but he will find his way soon! It’s your journey now go and get it!
Love and Baby Dust,