I think there is something wrong with me. This Infertility crap is completely all consuming. So the other day I was scrolling through FaceBook and I saw a Care.com Ad that says “Looking for a child?” Ummm, Actually…….. YES I am!!! LMAO! I did a double take of the ad and realized it said, “Looking for child care?” Yep, there is really something wrong with me that I see that ad and my brain interprets that. No matter where I turn, there’s a baby or a pregnant woman. Or worse, a pregnant woman with a baby! It’s completely unavoidable! This is your brain on Infertility! I call it Infertility Brain. Pregnant women get Pregnancy Brain and Infertile women get Infertility Brain! LOL! It’s constantly on my mind and no matter what I do, I just can’t seem to shake it off! I am constantly looking for answers. What can help me achieve my goal to have this baby? Is there a food I can eat? Is there a supplement I can take? Every time I see an egg, I think about my follies and eggs. Every time I see a set of twins, I think about if they were a product of Infertility Treatments. It is always on my mind. Infertility is truly “all consuming!”
I even stopped working and became a full time house wife and stay at home mom so I can reduce my stress in hopes I can finally achieve a full term pregnancy without a miscarriage. That was over a year ago and I still have had 1 chemical and 1 miscarriage since then bringing my total losses to 5!
So of course, I continue searching for all the right answers until I get to my goal. A baby. At the end of the day, there is no such thing of taking a short cut in this journey. It’s all or nothing!
Where do I draw the line though? I don’t want to miss out on my life in front of me because of my journey.
Honestly, I feel like it already has taken over my life and recently realized, I need to WAKE UP and get a hold of myself before I miss out on my blessings that are right in front of me.
So I asked myself the other day, how do I find that happy medium when I want something so bad? Well, my answer to myself was followed up with another question to myself.
What am I thankful for?
I am so blessed that I have an amazing supportive husband. I am so blessed that I have a sweet little boy who keeps me smiling every day! I am so blessed for my precious fur baby (my 1st born) that is 14 years old! I am so blessed for my supportive family and friends who I love dearly! The list goes on and on and on and on!!!
Yes, that’s it! I have to remind myself to count my blessings and stop for a minute to enjoy my life around me.
Does that mean I don’t want to a baby?
No! I still want a baby and will continue everything I need to do to put that baby in my arms, but I will be mindful and not let it take me away from my blessings that surround me. I have a million things to be thankful for and love my life. And one day, I will be thankful for the sweet baby that I am dreaming about every day!
So remember, keep your infertility brains in check. Smell the roses! Listen to the birds sing! Spend time with your family and friends! Dance in the rain! Whatever it is, count your blessings and don’t forget to live your life because it goes by in the blink of an eye! But remember never lose sight of your dream.
Love and Baby Dust,