How To Support Someone Who Is Going Through Infertility and Miscarriage

Most of my posts are geared towards men and women dealing with Infertility and Miscarriage. In honor of Infertility Awareness Week, I wanted to write a post that not only is for my wonderful Infertility Community, but to the general public to help shed this stigma that Infertility and Miscarriage are plagued with. Although I have accepted my status quo, I would like to shed a little light about Infertility and Pregnancy Loss and the struggles that millions of couples go through when trying to build their family.

I recently wrote a post about What Not to Say to Someone Who is Dealing With Infertility And Miscarriage. In lieu of this, I am writing this blog post about “How To Support Someone Who Is Going Through Infertility And Miscarriage.” Hopefully my post will help educate people and allow them to understand the emotional, physical and financial pain that the many people who are faced with dealing with this difficult diagnosis have. The reason I want to do this is because I have personally been dealing with this journey for 3 years. In those 3 years I have had 2 cancelled IVF cycles, 1 failed IUI, 5 pregnancy losses, 6 surgeries and a whole lot of heartache and disappointment.

I have had a very difficult time emotionally dealing with the struggles that this diagnosis brings. It has not only brought on physical and emotional pain, but a financial burden as well since most insurance companies do not cover ANY fertility treatments and many people are left with paying for everything out of pocket. I know a lot of people who have emptied their entire life savings on fertility treatments and still have no baby in their arms. Because of this stigma that Infertility and Pregnancy Loss has, many men and women who are suffering often feel alone when trying to cope with the hand they have been dealt. I know I have felt that way for many years and honestly it wasn’t until recently that I felt comfortable with sharing my journey that was shunned by society. I finally know I have nothing to be ashamed of and have taken a stand. If you are dealing with Infertility or Pregnancy loss, you are not alone. Continue reading “How To Support Someone Who Is Going Through Infertility and Miscarriage”

What NOT To Say To Someone Who Is Dealing With Infertility And Miscarriage

In my 3 years I have been TTC number 2, I have been lucky to have an incredible amount of support from my family and friends, but I have also heard my share of comments that were a second a way from a knee jerk reaction punch to the face! LOL! If you have been TTC, I’m sure you can relate. In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think most people are intentionally trying to hurt you. I do think many people feel uncomfortable with the subject and don’t know what to say so they say things they think will comfort you and most of the time they do the exact opposite. I have learned that the best thing that someone could say to someone dealing with Infertility and Miscarriage is “I’m sorry” or just listen and be a shoulder to cry on.  A simple hug goes a lot farther then “it wasn’t meant to be.” Here are some of the worst things you can say to someone who is struggling with Infertility or had a Miscarriage(s). Continue reading “What NOT To Say To Someone Who Is Dealing With Infertility And Miscarriage”

Miscarriage – A Letter To My Angel Babies I Lost Too Soon

This is a difficult post for me to write as it digs deep into my emotional suffering from my miscarriages. Anyone who has ever suffered a miscarriage understands the heartache, pain and suffering it causes. I lost 5 babies. This was one of the hardest things I have ever encountered and honestly wasn’t sure if I would ever get my strength back. Each one of those babies meant something to me. Yes, they were all 1st trimester losses (between 7.5-10w) and 1 even a chemical, but they were my babies and I loved every second of carrying them. My 1st one was nearly 3 years ago and my most recent one was a couple of months ago (November of 2015). Sure, time does help and I am ok overall (finally), but that doesn’t mean I am over it. Honestly, I will never be over it. It all ended way too early and is so unfair! I miss them and want them in my arms so bad.

In the time that I have had 5 losses, I have seen many friends and family get pregnant and have 1 baby and some even were lucky enough to have 2 babies. Going through a miscarriage is one of the most challenging things I have had to endure, but after 5 losses I have learned how to get my strength back. It certainly wasn’t easy! As I always have mentioned in my past posts, writing is my outlet to let go. It is my way to mourn and heal. This is one of the things that helps me tremendously. So recently I have decided to write a letter to my angel babies. It is very raw and emotional, but I promise you it has a bright side. It has hope! I have learned that is one of the things that help me through this journey. HOPE!  Continue reading “Miscarriage – A Letter To My Angel Babies I Lost Too Soon”

How To Make Your Marriage Stronger During Your Infertility Journey

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to write a post about LOVE and how Infertility has made my marriage stronger. My husband and I walked down the isle 8.5 years ago. When we married each other, I knew that we would have conflicts and hurdles to overcome in our life ahead of us. And we have! But I never imagined that one of those hurdles would be Infertility and Miscarriages. I never thought I would be the 1% of women who have recurrent miscarriages. I never thought we would be 12% who suffer infertility! I never thought that in my 5th year of marriage, my husband and I would have to endure the stress, exhaustion and heartache of timed sex, failed fertility treatments, 5 pregnancy losses, 6 D&C’s and 3 hysteroscopies among many other things that this journey brings. Yes, all these lovely things this infertility journey delivers us can be trying on any relationship, but after three years of walking this bumpy road, I can honestly say I feel we have grown closer and stronger. It certainly hasn’t been easy by any means and I remember many days that felt like we were reacting a scene from the movie “The Break-up.” Luckily for us, love concours all! Sure, we haven’t beat this journey yet, but we are doing it together and that is something that I am so thankful for. Here are some of the things that have helped us stay on track while driving down the bumpy dirt road of Infertility. Continue reading “How To Make Your Marriage Stronger During Your Infertility Journey”

Infertility Brain – This Is Your Brain On Infertility!

I think there is something wrong with me. This Infertility crap is completely all consuming. So the other day I was scrolling through FaceBook and I saw a Ad that says “Looking for a child?” Ummm, Actually…….. YES I am!!! LMAO! I did a double take of the ad and realized it said, “Looking for child care?” Yep, there is really something wrong with me that I see that ad and my brain interprets that. No matter where I turn, there’s a baby or a pregnant woman. Or worse, a pregnant woman with a baby! It’s completely unavoidable! This is your brain on Infertility!  I call it Infertility Brain. Pregnant women get Pregnancy Brain and Infertile women get Infertility Brain! LOL! Continue reading “Infertility Brain – This Is Your Brain On Infertility!”

My Stork Needs A GPS – How To Stay Positive During Your Infertility Journey

So in my 3 years I have been TTC, I have seen over 40 of my FaceBook friends get pregnant or have a baby or both. In that time, I have had 2 cancelled IVF’s, 1 failed IUI, 5 losses along with many other things that I already mentioned in past posts, but yet I have no baby. I am anxiously awaiting for it to be my turn. I think my stork needs a GPS! He seems to find everyone else’s house with no problem. Do I need to bake him a cake or invite him in for drinks? Seriously, where the hell did he go? Where ever he is, my uterus and I are waiting for him! So please bring me my baby soon! It has been very hard staying positive during this journey, especially when I keep failing and seeing so many people have a baby (many who aren’t even trying or want to have a baby). Infertility can really chip away at your happiness in life. Although, this frustrates me to no end, I find it will not do me any good to mope or pity myself. So I have been doing several things to help me stay positive until my storks gets his act together. Continue reading “My Stork Needs A GPS – How To Stay Positive During Your Infertility Journey”

10 Things To Help You Cope After A Miscarriage

In my 3 years of TTC number two I have had 5 losses. 4 miscarriage (all between 7.5 and 10 weeks) and 1 chemical pregnancy. It is extremely common to have one miscarriage. One out of every four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, but to have 3 or more consecutive miscarriages is rare. Only 1% of women fall into this category. Unfortunately, I am a member of that club. While the physical healing process is usually fairly quick for most women, the emotional healing is another story. During this rollercoaster, you may feel a lot of emotions including, sadness, depression, guilt and anger. Additionally, you may feel apathy and or be in disbelief. Some women are able to move on after the loss quickly, while other women may fall into deep anguish. There is no right or wrong on how you should feel. You will be the only one who can determine how you feel, no one can tell you otherwise. After my 1st miscarriage, I felt every single one of these emotions and possibly more. I’m not kidding you, but after five losses I have learned several things that helped me through this difficult time and calm the turbulence a bit. Although, I will never fully get over my losses, here are some of the steps I have taken to help me heal during this difficult time in my life. Continue reading “10 Things To Help You Cope After A Miscarriage”

In Due Time

This year during the holidays (2015), my hubby Jesse, son Addison (Adi) and I took a trip to visit all the in-laws in San Fran. We stayed there a little over 2 weeks. What a trip was. Of course, we had all the normal holiday stuff all families celebrate, but there were was one particular event that brought me to tears. Well two. My nieces Bat Mitvah and the birth of my new nephew.  These were happy tears for the most part. On Dec 30 2015, I was extremely fortunate to meet my sister in-law’s new baby boy. It was literally the day before we were suppose to leave and the day before my birthday. We had to change our flight to meet him, but after $650 and a lot of finagling with the airlines, we changed our flight successfully and got to meet our new baby nephew. Continue reading “In Due Time”