I watched the sunrise at the beach this morning. Two years ago today marks the anniversary of my BFP (big fat positive – pregnancy test) from my 1st miscarriage. Since then, I have had 4 more losses. Never in a lifetime did I think I would be fighting this uphill battle. Today, I shed a few tears, but also celebrated my strength, my courage, my perseverance and my blessings that keep me going everyday. This journey through #infertility and #miscarriage has changed me. “Push me down and I will get back up. I may be a little beat up at first, but I will persevere because I’m a warrior!” I pray that this storm will soon be over soon and I get my #rainbowbaby I’ve been praying for. #infertilitysucks #strength
Love and Baby Dust,
In my 3 years I have been TTC number 2, I have been lucky to have an incredible amount of support from my family and friends, but I have also heard my share of comments that were a second a way from a knee jerk reaction punch to the face! LOL! If you have been TTC, I’m sure you can relate. In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think most people are intentionally trying to hurt you. I do think many people feel uncomfortable with the subject and don’t know what to say so they say things they think will comfort you and most of the time they do the exact opposite. I have learned that the best thing that someone could say to someone dealing with Infertility and Miscarriage is “I’m sorry” or just listen and be a shoulder to cry on. A simple hug goes a lot farther then “it wasn’t meant to be.” Here are some of the worst things you can say to someone who is struggling with Infertility or had a Miscarriage(s). Continue reading “What NOT To Say To Someone Who Is Dealing With Infertility And Miscarriage”
This is a difficult post for me to write as it digs deep into my emotional suffering from my miscarriages. Anyone who has ever suffered a miscarriage understands the heartache, pain and suffering it causes. I lost 5 babies. This was one of the hardest things I have ever encountered and honestly wasn’t sure if I would ever get my strength back. Each one of those babies meant something to me. Yes, they were all 1st trimester losses (between 7.5-10w) and 1 even a chemical, but they were my babies and I loved every second of carrying them. My 1st one was nearly 3 years ago and my most recent one was a couple of months ago (November of 2015). Sure, time does help and I am ok overall (finally), but that doesn’t mean I am over it. Honestly, I will never be over it. It all ended way too early and is so unfair! I miss them and want them in my arms so bad.
In the time that I have had 5 losses, I have seen many friends and family get pregnant and have 1 baby and some even were lucky enough to have 2 babies. Going through a miscarriage is one of the most challenging things I have had to endure, but after 5 losses I have learned how to get my strength back. It certainly wasn’t easy! As I always have mentioned in my past posts, writing is my outlet to let go. It is my way to mourn and heal. This is one of the things that helps me tremendously. So recently I have decided to write a letter to my angel babies. It is very raw and emotional, but I promise you it has a bright side. It has hope! I have learned that is one of the things that help me through this journey. HOPE! Continue reading “Miscarriage – A Letter To My Angel Babies I Lost Too Soon”
In my 3 years of TTC number two I have had 5 losses. 4 miscarriage (all between 7.5 and 10 weeks) and 1 chemical pregnancy. It is extremely common to have one miscarriage. One out of every four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, but to have 3 or more consecutive miscarriages is rare. Only 1% of women fall into this category. Unfortunately, I am a member of that club. While the physical healing process is usually fairly quick for most women, the emotional healing is another story. During this rollercoaster, you may feel a lot of emotions including, sadness, depression, guilt and anger. Additionally, you may feel apathy and or be in disbelief. Some women are able to move on after the loss quickly, while other women may fall into deep anguish. There is no right or wrong on how you should feel. You will be the only one who can determine how you feel, no one can tell you otherwise. After my 1st miscarriage, I felt every single one of these emotions and possibly more. I’m not kidding you, but after five losses I have learned several things that helped me through this difficult time and calm the turbulence a bit. Although, I will never fully get over my losses, here are some of the steps I have taken to help me heal during this difficult time in my life. Continue reading “10 Things To Help You Cope After A Miscarriage”
Resolve is the National Association of Infertility and defines Secondary Infertility as the “Inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children. The birth of the first child does not involve any assisted reproductive technologies or fertility medications.”
Yep, that’s me. It’s something I never thought I would be a part of. I don’t know how many times I’ve answered questions like; Is he your only chid and Don’t you want another one? Yes and Yes are my answers. My son is now 7.5 years old and we have been trying for 3 years now. 5 miscarriages, 2 cancelled IVF cycles, 1 failed iui, 5 D&C’s and 1 hysteroscopy later, I am still part of that 30%! Actually, I’m 1% of women because I’ve had 5 losses.
Continue reading “Secondary Infertility and the Stigma Behind Infertility and Miscarriage”
This year during the holidays (2015), my hubby Jesse, son Addison (Adi) and I took a trip to visit all the in-laws in San Fran. We stayed there a little over 2 weeks. What a trip was. Of course, we had all the normal holiday stuff all families celebrate, but there were was one particular event that brought me to tears. Well two. My nieces Bat Mitvah and the birth of my new nephew. These were happy tears for the most part. On Dec 30 2015, I was extremely fortunate to meet my sister in-law’s new baby boy. It was literally the day before we were suppose to leave and the day before my birthday. We had to change our flight to meet him, but after $650 and a lot of finagling with the airlines, we changed our flight successfully and got to meet our new baby nephew. Continue reading “In Due Time”
When your trying to conceive, one of the greatest joys starts the day you see those two lines on that pregnancy test. I am what they call a POAS (Pee on a stick) addict! I literally have spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on pregnancy tests in the past 3 years that I have been Trying to Conceive. I wish I had more will power to hold off, but its a REAL problem. The second I see even a squinter, my heart is in it for the long run. Once its dark, that takes me to the next level of hope and dreaming about my next 9 months and there after. Continue reading “My Story in a BIG Nutshell”